It's been 11 years of sisterhood, full of two winding paths that have merged into a (sometimes surprising) place of grounding. We're sitting down over Skype, 1,291 miles away, to unleash our heartaches, a few f-bombs + our love for this sacred connection.
BRITT: How would you define what sacred sisterhood is?
BETHANY: To me, is embracing growth - growing apart and growing together, but at the end - at the core of it, you feel so incredibly connected. I think you can have a friendships and acquaintances, but I think you do recognize in your soul those sacred connections. It's all about coming away and back together in a very rhythmic way and feeling grounded during the processes.
BRITT: It makes me think of what you say all the time, "the ebbs and the flows". Non-restraining, ever-changing and ever-moving. I've been in relationships with women that I no longer am in because I recognize so much that I was holding back and if I would have said what I wanted to, they would've taken it so personally and not be able to take what I was saying - and that's not real connection to women.
BETHANY: My question is, through our rough patches - remember when we didn't talk for a whole year in 2007? - through the almost 1,300 miles that separates us, what do you think is the essence that holds our specific bond together?
BRITT: I think that what happened was necessary. Who we were when we first met wasn't truly who we are. You know, it was the conditioning, it was the anger, the sadness that was not knowing what we wanted to do in life and our place - and we clashed because of that. We were both in that same energy - in that same toxic cycle of getting our own way, self pity and we had to separate to get certain growth out of the way, lessons and understanding to come full circle, meeting again on the level we are now. I take what I can provide, what I've learned and you've learned and we come together. I think that is the beauty of relationships - there is an acceptance within each phase of your existence and knowing we're not meant to stay the same. Ever. Who we are now, in five years, will likely be neither. This understanding, this full growth and levels - distance is irrelevant.
Next question, over the years, what have you seen change in me and in return, your perspective change within your life?
BETHANY: I've seen you change... dramatically, however you've always had that fiery piece of you inside, but it's almost like it's come to surface. You've left situations or you've embraced situations fully - you haven't looked back. I've seen a huge transformation in you, many people would say "oh you've had so much happen to you" - which you absolutely have, but it's how you've embraced it. I've seen you become beyond - strong, powerful - and I don't mean powerful in a "ruling" way, powerful in owning yourself and your emotions. You are letting yourself be the guide in your life. I've also seen a basic overall Grace added to you over the years, a very beautiful feminine Grace that came from washing away the things that weren't good for you in order for that to arise within your spirit.
About me, well you were certainly a guide through it all. It was very interesting in the past three years how it's almost - and I don't want to say following - but we've had some very similar things happen to us. Especially when it comes to relationships. Without your strength and without your awareness and enlightenment, I couldn't have done the things that I did. I couldn't have walked away from situations, even though it wasn't easy, without knowing things would be better. I know everything was aligned the way it was supposed to. I know your situations had to happen then my situations had to happen because I needed your strength, I wasn't strong enough at that point yet to do it on my own without holding onto anger, resentment and sadness.
So I think, it was mirroring. We do mirror another quite often - that's what happens with soul sisters. It was very reflective, your journey upon mine.
BRITT: (pause) AHO!
BETHANY: Namaste! (both laugh)
Okay, this is a good one. Flashback to one of our past lives together, what were we and what was our story.
BRITT: Well I think there's so many. Hmm. What I feel right now, one word, vagabonds. (laugh with familiarity)
I feel like, due to circumstance in our lives - pain, letting go, betrayal - we've collided together and been like touchstone sisters. A touchstone is someone in your life that you feel you can go to with whatever and always be able to grab a hold to with no judgement, an easiness - tone and soothing. We've had to work through our stuff in lifetimes to do that. I feel like so much in our lives were spent exploring ourselves first and then exploring the world by what we individually picked up and what we experienced together. I feel like we didn't care about money, we just knew we were going to get by. We were just more focused on what we were going to see, feel and take in.
BETHANY: I'm good with that, that sounds great. Okay, your next.
BRITT: How would you describe our friendship for the first 5 years and for the second 5 years?
BETHANY: (laughing) The first 5 years? Brittle and wildly light. So, I say brittle because we didn't have a solid foundation of who we really were. We did have some fun light and joyful moments that we did in that time - I didn't have the conditioning - the awareness of the power of myself yet. I was very carefree and reckless at times. Our sisterhood was very different in the beginning, but there were still similarities, ties and nuances as we are today.
These 5 years, because we were so carefree and found grounding, the past years have been challenging. We've had to go "oh shit, this is happening" - either stay [in our situations] or get out, see the goodness in something or be angry, hold resentment or let go - that what these past five years have been about.
So, we have been doing this whole dance together of having things, events, opportunities, relationships, downfalls present themselves and I feel we now are solid in who we are. We're solid in our connection and not walking on eggshells with one another anymore or feel what you feel in your 20-something friendships. I wasn't all there yet. I'm glad it happened because I wouldn't be as grounded without our past together.
I am so glad we didn't meet in the past 5 years without our backstory.
We're going to have another 5 years of another story and theme and that's what's really cool too.
BRITT: Yes, that tension is gone. And we've come to a place to where we don't give advice unless we're asked - we give permission so there's no judgements on the choices we're making. Those choices and lessons have to be made - we can't cut each other short of our lessons because our own idea of what the other person should be doing.
BETHANY: Exactly. What advice would you give for 20-somethings forming their own sisterhoods?
BRITT: Love yourself enough first before you see others in friendships - what do you or don't like and what position you're in - in your life and moment, is what you're going to attract. Look at your friends like a mirror and to know that mirror both the yin and the yang - what you are, what you aren't, what you like and what you don't. Just like what I said, don't give advice unless you have permission to do so. Keep your mouth shut, know that everyone has their path and that they must take it on their own terms and judging your friend/sister is really just judging your own self.
Words are painful so be careful what you say, how to say it, what your tone is.
Know that nothing is permanent, stop jumping on the pity party, everything can be changed by your desire to change. If you want a better job, relationship or friends that is on you Stop the excuses, stop blaming other people, suck it up and just shut the fuck up. Then when things end or they are removed from your life, accept it as a story that is just the beginning for something new.
Also, watch for the signs, the synchronicity - the animals or people you come across - numbers, patterns with every question, the answer is waiting and your answer can be physical.
Okay, the last one I have, describe how you see our lives as sisters for the next 10 years.
BETHANY: I am so glad you asked this, I hoped you would.
I am the type of person where I want to know exactly what's going to happen and I think when I project that (what's going to happen) it's because I have fear. I think with you and I - because I have no fear, I'm really excited about everything. I don't overthink it, but what we're going now, is going to be our full time thing - it is going to project us in a place where we can co-create with others and grow together. I do envision us specifically in Tulum together, pregnant at the same time. I see it so clearly and you know, I see us traveling together. You talk about our vagabond past life - that is how I see it.
Everything we're doing now is setting us up for the next 10 years and also creating a family together. I don't know if one day we'll be living closer but one day I feel like our sisterhood is going to create a family.
I think the next years are going to be interesting because it will be growing up in a way, but also we've set us up in the lifetime to be able to grow in the ways that we have - face the hard times - then be able to do the fun stuff that makes our soul happy. That's traveling, finding grounding, reaching out to people in the community, to be able to foster for others and look for guidance.
BRITT: (About Tulum) I think that will actually be sooner than later. A call to travel is a pull (for me) and I know I'm in Oklahoma now to co-create and spread this energy. There's such a rising here and beauty in Oklahoma that feels so good.
I feel it coming, the connection and journey, we're doing exactly what we're supposed to be doing. We're on this pull of momentum. By the end of this year it's going to be... ahhhhhh! Good.
The darkness was worth it, the struggles were worth it. You got to dig and ask, how am I grateful for that? You have to flip perspectives.
BETHANY: Last question for you, 5 years ago, if you could look at yourself now at this point, what is one word you would use?
BRITT: I would want to say it would be something inspiring like magnificent (both laugh), but it would be holy shit.