I let the Pain in, then I Grew

"You are a breathtaking flower growing into the fullness of your Divine essence." -Panache Desai

There was a time in my life when my guard was up at all times. I was an adventurous, free spirit, yet I was easily irritated by others, and I felt life always seemed to be a bit unfair. My mother would jokingly call me jagged glass. She would tell people, she is pretty but she will cut you.

I was born into this world with a deep seeded feeling of separation. I felt as though I didn't belong on this giant blue planet, filled with millions of human beings who seemed just as lost as I did. I was jagged in my tone and feelings, yet I was soft and sensitive. I would cry at the mere thought of others suffering. I was an empath, I just didn't know it yet.

I went through my middle school years one day at a time. Each day feeling like it would never end. I was completely lost in my thoughts, my self expression was non existent, and my insecurities swallowed me whole.

Then came my teenage years. I was full of hope at the very thought of being a teenager. This would be my time, these would be the best years of my life. I moved to a new school, found new friends, and felt a freedom of small town life I never could have imagined. I felt happy, I felt alive.

At 15 years old, I fell in love. My immature, young mind truly had no idea was real love was. But I fell in love with a boy and in return, I fell out of love with my myself. I centered my existence on this one person. I lost touch with all the progress I had acquired within. I lost touch with the very soul I harnessed within my body.

I pushed down my desires, the goddess within was silenced, and I let fear fill me up entirely. The fear of being alone, the fear for the unknown and the fear of starting all over again. 13 years went by and I had to feel that agony. The kind that seemed to tear me a part from the inside.

I learned within those years many very, very important truths:

Words don't teach, only experience will.
People change for them. They will never change because you want them to change.
It is never as bad as you think it is.
Crying is okay, just don't get stuck in those feelings too long. Don't let it consume you..
Take the time to truly feel what is happening. Listen to your intuition. If it feels off, it is.
Emotions are always your signal, they will always steer you in the right direction.

And finally, if you let the pain in and truly understand the contrast between feeling bad and feeling good, you will then begin to heal and grow. Once we let the pain in, we grow love for ourselves in ways we could have never imagined.

Self love is the kind of love that roars like a lion and sets a trail of fire with every new step you take. Self love is the most powerful tool against anything you face in this life. When you feel bad, get back to a place in which you remind yourself of all there is to be grateful for. When you feel hurt, dig into those feelings and let them grow you.

You are more powerful than you think you are. Be brave. Be fierce. The pain won't last as long as the bliss will. You came here to be happy and only you can show your soul the happiness it craves.

Britt Johnson

"In your journey of remembrance, you are crafting a light body to return to a home in the stars that you never really left. Return as a child of the sacred to the Great Central Sun! You are the crown of creation, infused with the blueprint of solar mind. You are a Godseed, the reflection of cosmic consciousness. You are love made visible!" -Red Cosmic Dragon