Shadow work is tough!
It is staring at yourself from a perspective in which will help you shift and grow. And it can be extremely painful,scary and gut wrenching. The realizations are intense, and the irony of what you thought you knew about yourself, and what really is; are realizations you can only have a good laugh about.
I have had these realizations in so many ways that the list is endless. I have been blinded by the universe with so many shifts, such as, losing a job, having my car fall apart, losing friends, family, lovers and pets. Or the time I got thyroid cancer...that was fun. Most definitely a result of not speaking my truth.
I have been lied to...and I have lied to myself and others. I have been cheated on...and I have cheated myself out of opportunities of growth. I have been made to feel invalid...and I have allowed myself to teach others that I am not worthy of being shown I am valid.
All of these things I have experienced so far, these are only things mirrored to my own actions and energy. Something not many want to hear or accept. I have been the mirror to every single thing I have experienced. So how could I not truly accept respectability for these thing happening to me? I can answer that with two short words.....EGO and FEAR.
My ego stopped me from realizing, I am the constructor of my experience, that goes for all the bad things as well. And my fear stalemated me from moving forward and using my words to express my feelings from the heart center. I feared losing lovers, friends, and all that I thought I had constructed in my life thus far. I feared change.
The unknown is scary and seems foggy, but what is scarier, I have learned, is living a life that feels as if you are going down stream. A life were you feel you are fighting a current that doesn't need to exist. It is when you realize, what you have created, is only an illusion. I learned, my life can change in an instant for the greater good.
And the fear, the resentments, the anger and pain; these things can all be redirected into happiness, love and joy.
In those moments of fearing that my words and actions would shift my world into the unknown, I missed the most important key aspects that would have changed my perception.
All the things we long in our lives come at the right time, stay within our lives for that specific amount of time, and those people who come and go, they are meant to do just that. The windows of opportunity, of change, they come and go with the ebbs and flow within our journey.
But, the door is never bolted, it is never even shut. That door you fear of opening, is not a door at all. There is no door.
And once you fully understand this, you are freed by the binds and chains you created and attached to your being.
Speak your truth. Remember that there is no door.
And there sure as hell are never locks on anything in this life.
Namaste, Britt Johnson