Over two years ago, I chose to leave a relationship that no longer served me. I chose to grow and discover happiness.
In doing so, my 4 year old son joined the journey. I knew it would serve my son a grave injustice to stay in the unstable whirlwind of our toxic relationship.
I made my decision, coordinated the details and we made the move and everything seemed to flow with ease. Divine timing had our backs and I felt like I was slowly morphing into the human being my soul called me to be.
I had absolutely no resistance within this decision. My truth needed to be heard with confidence and courage.
As for our life now, my son and I are flourishing.
We are learning to live with each other as friends, as parent and child, and as two souls here to grow ourselves separately. Some days we fight like brother and sister, but most days we laugh uncontrollably. We are never going to be perfect, but we are going to be happy. We are going to share our feelings, go on adventures, practice being patient, present and kind.
Most days, I am my son’s keeper and on other days, he is mine.
He is now 6 and still doesn't understand the complexities to why his father is removed from our lives. He has a life time of understanding and acceptance of why it happened and how it did. For now, he needs to be a child with a passionate and wild imagination that sets him free from worry.
The lessons he will learn and strength he will gain from being raised by a single parent, will be monumental for his growth.
Unfortunately, he will also be ruined because of this, and here is why:
- To the future women in my sons life.
My son never had a choice. He knew early on that I do not apologize for being naked, and neither should he. I showed him our bodies do not define who we are, and we are all beautiful. I told him exactly how he came beautifully out of my body, and he knows just how strong a woman truly is.
He is sensitive, secure within himself and he knows what he wants. My son was raised by a bold woman, and around a massive amount of secure, confident, soulfully beautiful women. He's had a few positive male influences in his life; these confident, respectful men have shown him qualities that have directly left an imprint on him.
So, if you don't love yourself to the core of your being, you may not know my son long.
I have ruined him for your type.
- He will never fall into societal rhythms.
Sorry society and all your expectations, but my son will push the boundaries and question all your rules. My son will go forth towards his own rhythm in life, he will not follow or be led. I ruined him this way with my stubborn spirit and soaring heart. He will, mostly likely, never take no for an answer. He will be kind in doing so, but he will push his way through all that may bind him.
- Sorry corporate world, my son probably won't vibe with you.
My son has learned a lot through my journey, through both my negative and positive traits. What he will constantly see within my teachings (and mistakes), is the illusion that lies within what we feel we need to do in life, versus what our soul calls for us to do. A 40 hour work week, sitting at a cold desk, in an environment that takes your energy, to pay for a home you're rarely in; will probably not be my son's cup of tea.
- My sons color will not define his presence.
My son was taught early on that the color of our skin has absolutely nothing to do with the substance of our soul.
He will not fall into the stereotype society projects African American men to be. His friends and companions will consist of all nationalities. He will dress in accordance to what best represents who he is, not a way the world wants him to dress. He will express himself fully by his own doing.
I have ruined him for you fashion marketing and corporate chains.
- My son will buy organic oils and healing foods.
My son will know all the essential oils he needs to cure any ailment. So sorry pharmaceutical companies, I ruined him for you. He has been taking peppermint, rosemary and lavender baths since he was 3, and he knows that coconut oil is a miracle worker.
He will not judge others for taking narcotics or eating fatty foods, he still will do so on occasion.
But he will not fall into the grips of feeding himself addictions for others to profit.
- My son will design is own Sadhana.
Since my son was little, he knows when there is a Full Moon, New Moon, and Harvest Moon.
He knows when Summer Solstice is and Spring Equinox. He is secure enough to wear flowers in his hair, throw intentions into the fire, and he knows what Sage is for. When sharing with him what I practiced, I was still mindful in giving him room to follow his own path. He will go into the direction that feels right within his soul. Again, sorry to any organized communities/ religion.
My son will appreciate your views, and respect what you believe in. But you will have no chance in converting him.
- My son will believe in Growth and Love. Period.
My son has been taught his whole life that we should love each other unconditionally. So if you try and pull him into drama, or form a group that is purely based on using fear as a tool; he will have nothing to do with you.
My son was taught that everyone has their own path and no one is doing it wrong. We each came here to form our own dance, and learn our own lessons. He will be taught, there is no wrong way to ride this ride we call life.
To my beautiful Indigo child:
I will annoy you, I will embarrass you, I will tell you when you are wrong, I will tell you every day you are magical, and I will love you in this life unconditionally. I promise to keep my word on everything I have written.
And I promise to ruin you for the individuals in the world who want to define you.
Pinky swear, Momma