I once feared this fire that lived within me would one day burn out. The days I would taste my purpose and see my path light up, those days scared me the most.
This was a time in my life when I lived in the future. The future where fear lives and we question all of our dreams and desires. We pray the things we acquire never slip from our grasp. Out loud we say they never will, but deep within us is where the fear ignites and it burns at times like a bolt of lighting trying to find release.
We mask the fear with a tight veil over our worries and pain.
So we smoke and we drink, and we attach to the souls who soothe our aching hearts. We attach to our past, our future and slip away from our now.
We cling onto lovers for life, for air, and for comfort in this world that fear and ego lives in.
Somehow, I mixed up passion with loss. They were sisters to one another in my mind. They were the light and darkness that consumed me.
These two things were the juxtaposition of my most devastating thoughts. I was terrified of loss, and especially of loving and then losing.
Assuming love was gained and then lost, this was the worst lie I ever told myself.
I believed, and still do, love has consequences. You either look at this in the light or the darkness.
The consequences of loving and possibility losing for growth, for experience, and for contrast.
This the light.
Or you see the darkness within love. The pain, the tearing down, the guilt and regret. But this love, it isn't a love meant for long periods of time. It is a love to teach and shift you into a frequency your soul desires to vibrate in. A love matched to yours in such a way, it brings all the fears to the surface and makes you stare at your shadow self with three eyes.
So, you stare face to face with what you attracted, you see what you matched with your own energy, and you see what will never be again by your own doing. You realized within these moments, the power you have over your life and choices.
I see now that love perceived as pain is like a thorn stuck in your hand. It hurts but it's removed and the pain becomes less minute by minute. And soon, before you can even recall the way the thorn felt when it entered your flesh, the pain is only a memory that is no longer felt.
Time is what we live by and time is how we remember. This is what I let consume me more than anything. The viscous cycle of letting my past hurts flood my consciousness and my fear of the future I dreamed of, never unfolding how I imagined.
I used to fear my fire, and now I hold onto it tightly, letting my prana ignite it's beauty into a state that only I can contain.No one can fuel my fire, unless I let them. Know one can extinguish my fire, unless I let them.
I know now, I am who I say I am. I am who I believe I am. I am not what the world tells me I should be. And this is because, my own fire can not burn me.
I am my fire and my fire is me.
I am my fear and my fear is me.
I am my passion and my passion is me.
I am my dharma and my dharma is me.
I am you and you are me.
We are, WE.
Namaste, Britt Johnson